roller coaster

The title fits perfectly for the last several weeks I have had. I roll up the hill waiting for that brief moment before the drop, only to find that I just kept going higher. We all know the higher you go the farther you fall. Hence my doctor decided he would decrease my anti-depressant. He cut me from 40mg to 20mg so literally half the dosage. Great, fine, let the coaster fall, but let it fall slowly. Nope, that didn't happen. Instead, I plunge straight 90 degree angle down. I dropped a dose being told to and not wanting to not "follow" doctor's orders. That my dears lead to a complete melt. I was so emotionally wired that I cried at everything. After class I went home and completely fell apart. I spent twenty minutes sobbing whilst trying to explain myself to my mother who was completely frantic. She wanted to take me to hospital but in no way did I want to be on the locked ward. Finally I was able to calm down and control myself enough to make it through to my appointment the next morning.

I am now on 20mg of Viibryd and I have had a shit day. I am having the discontinuation shocks or "brain zaps."  I feel like I am hooked to an electrical outlet that is frayed. It is shit and I am beyond mentally exhausted. My brain feels like it has been shorted out and turned off. I can still function but I feel like I have a severe case of the flu.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will call my nurse in the a.m. to see what she thinks and if I feel worse I will go to a&e/ er and see what they can do. More than likely if I go to hospital they will try to lock me in. For now I will turn this off and let my brain die down for hopefully more than 8 hours.

ciao