Ill and Still going

Well it is that time of year all over again where colds are passed around like candy and the flu is gossip at the tables. I have now entered in among the ranks of cold/ flu like symptoms but now the rhinovirus has really picked up speed in my locale. So much for the great news. As I do work with children I have to do everything I can to remain healthy as well as being an employee of the restaurant business, being sick is the second worse you can do beside getting yourself fired. 

My aunt's aide stated that if I hit a low to mid grade fever and I start wheezing then I need to seek medical attention immediately sine the rhinovirus is so rampart right now. So it comes down to that or the flu. I feel horrible but I continue to go to work and push through. However, I think I am doing my body much injustice as to keep it running instead of letting it rest. 

I am like everyone else in the situation to the point that being sick means no paycheck which means no doctor's visit, if you don't have insurance, leaving us feeling ever worse and now guilt sets in because you "let" yourself be sick.

I am my own worst critic, but I feel poorly and I cannot afford to sick in any manner. So please bare with me and my postings and videos. It is really hard to do anything when you feel crap. 

Hope everyone is doing better than I am. Better blogs ahead. :)   

Just For Today

Bend with the wind....

"We learn to become flexible...As new things are revealed, we feel renewed." Basic Text p. 102

             "Flexibility" was not part of the vocabulary we used in our using days. We'd become obsessed with the raw pleasure of our drugs and hardened to all the softer, subtler, more infinitely varied pleasures of the world around us. Our disease had turned life itself into a constant threat of jails, institutions, and death, a threat against which we hardened ourselves all the more. In the end we became brittle. With the merest breath of life's wind we crumbled at last, broken, defeated, with no choice but to surrender.

                                              But the beautiful irony of recovery is that, in our surrender, we found the                                     flexibility we had lost in our addiction, the very lack of which had defeated us.                                     We regained the ability to bend in life's breeze without breaking. When the                                           wind blew, we felt its loving caress against our skin, where once we would                                           have hardened ourselves as if against the onrush of a storm.

                                               The winds of life blow new airs our way each moment, and with them                                          new fragrances, new pleasures, varied, subtly different. As we bend with life's                                      wind, we feel and hear and touch and smell and taste all it has to offer us. And                                      as new winds blow, we feel renewed.

Just for today: Higher Power, help me bend with life's wind and glory in its passing. Free me from rigidity.

World Suicide Prevention Day

As I reflect on this day from my own fights and battles with suicidal thoughts and actions, I remember a friend who just committed suicide this past Sunday. It has been a very hard trial for all of us. He was a loving and just all around amazing guy and the disease of addiction coupled with mental health medication complications, he could no longer take the pain this world left him in. We all know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. However, many people who have not been touched or lived through those most despaired moments misunderstand that it seems like the only option. The only option to end all pain because everything you have tried has not worked, no longer works, and you seem like a burden to everyone.

I know this personally. I have been to the depths of despair so much that I was close to death more times than I care to count. Thankfully though I found To Write Love On Her Arms. This organisation has helped so many people, including me, find hope and ways to communicate to others the help we need.

Today is a day for all of us to reflect on those sitting on the edge of "to be or not to be," have lost their lives or have survived. Suicide is one of the worst moments in the sufferers and the families and friends left behind. We are scarred by life one way or another but we must reach out to others not just for our own sanity but for the sanity of others who may be suffering in silence.

Attached to this blog is the blog post posted by TWLOHA:  http://twloha.com/blog/welcome-world-suicide-prevention-day

Please feel free to search the site. Use the chat forums, link to them on facebook and twitter. They even have a Tumblr account.

Don't let us sit in silence when the whole world needs to hear our voices. Be the one to reach out if not that ask for help. Don't let this world take your part for you. Play your part, there is only one of you and I couldn't ask for anyone else. Please let this day be a day of reflection and understanding.

Want to know more about my story, leave a comment or go to www.youtube.com/lindaann08 and watch some of my videos.