Such an Opposite

To me, de-cluttering and having a sort through, would be therapeutic and a stress revealer, but it has been so stressful and upsetting that doing a small simple task makes me upset, pissy, and just mean. I don't mean to say "what" in a negative harsh tone. I simply am trying to focus on the few things my brain can seem to focus on and then, when interrupted, I tend to throw a "what" in a rude way even when I am just simply asking what. 

I always found it very therapeutic to go through my clothes and get them in the wash and put away. Now I look at the pile growing and then overflowing the hamper and I just get angry and sad because I feel like I am failing as a human being. Like, I feel at this point in my life laundry and tidying up shouldn't be such a chore that would create such a mental break down as I have been experiencing. 

How did I become so opposite? When did de-cluttering your life become more stressful than leaving it a mess? Am I in a depressed state that I don't want to recognise, let alone admit to it? Every little task seems to be overwhelming and just the thought of taking the laundry out and putting it away makes me want to scream and yell but to no avail. It is not someone else's responsibility to hang up my two jumpers and three work shirts. Heck, that as I am typing seems so insignificant but doing it makes me feel so weak and frustrated. What is wrong with me? What has happened?

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning and I'm too tired to keep afloat. 

 

Trying to Love My Body

Those who read this may know about my past or most will be learning my story as you continue to read on. As most girls who start puberty around the age of eleven (11) or twelve (12) I started to notice my body more. Today at age 25 I still look in the mirror trying to always find something that has yet to come. Self Acceptance. 

Eating disorders start early and, if you are lucky, caught early can be "cured" at a faster rate. I'm 25 and am still in the midst of the battle. No, I'm not a stick. I was. Now I am on the other end of the spectrum. I cannot win for losing. I made my mate buy me a two (2) year subscription to our local 24 hour gym. However, within these two years, I have collectively only spent seven months using this gym to it's semi-fullest. I gave up. I didn't see any results and I didn't have a trainer to ask what I was doing wrong. For so many years I ran miles a day and was tiny and fit and now, now, I'm just some girl who has a gym membership that doesn't use it and completely hates her own reflection. I swore to myself I would never be that "national average woman" and yet that is the statistic that I have become. 

A class mate has been a sales rep for It Works! and I finally decided to give this a go. Why not? It's not like I have bought in to the diet fad of pills, powders, and the own punishment to my body. So far I have just taken off my second wrap. Yay?? or Nah???  Well right now my body is adjusting to this product and so far in my eyes I have not seen a change in anything. Now it is 9:02 p.m. so the morning my bring a surprise to my eyes. If not I still have six more Wraps to throw my hope into. 

This year I want to become happy with me. Not with the face of make-up I wear and the clothes that try to conceal my body. I want to be a full on bikini on the beach, I don't give a freak what people think. I want that because I've never had the chance to honestly experience that since before puberty. I want to be able to tell my therapist that I am okay with what my body looks like. Right now, I can't. I simply can't. I wear everything I can to hide the fact that I went from a stick to a doughnut.  

I hope this It Works! really does work so that maybe I can get my head together and find a way to accept what I have, be thankful for it, and take better care of it. 

Any concerns can be expressed through comments or if you cannot leave a comment for some reason  you may contact me at:   imagine08aimer@gmail.com  

2016... new year.... new outlook.... new me. 

GRWM Work 2016

So Many New Beginnings

As I go through old messages, e-mails, texts, and photos, I realise that this year is going to be a great year of new beginnings. As of right now with my YouTube channel that I have worked so hard to grow and venture into an unfamiliar world. I have partnered with Freedom! Network but now I have found another network that I have applied for but I feel lost. Does applying for a new network make for a fresh start or is it a false front for maybe the downfall?   All I know is that I make content that makes me happy and I know others would like to see.

For a new adventure I have begun reading "Adventures For Your Soul" and so far I feel like I can sincerely make a lot of positive changes in my life in all aspects, my spirituality included. This is my year. This is the year of me, me finding my place in this vast world. The year that my last name changes and is a full legal change. I want this year to take me to places I've always said no to and to open my eyes to all adventures no matter how improbable or impossible as they may seem. Remain positive because that is the only way to truly live a happy life.

I cannot wait for what lies ahead of me. I am ready. I need this. I want this.

Join me in my journey this year. This blog is going to be life and lessons. Yes, I will still post my videos on this blog so that you are all kept up to date with the latest video published.

Let's all grow in a more positive and happy life this year!

"It's okay to be afraid but it will never be the same."  ---- Ellie Goulding Explosions.

"You're the light, you're the night. You're the colour of my blood. You're the cure, you're the pain you're the only thing I want to touch, never knew that it could mean so much.... You're the fear, I don't care 'cause I've never been so high. Follow me to the dark, let me take you past our satellites. You CAN see the world YOU BROUGHT TO LIFE...."   Ellie Goulding Love Me Like You Do.

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December 2015 Favorites

December Haul 2015