Body Conscious and Spiritually lost

I have realised in the last few weeks that due to my birth control my weight has climbed to a weight I never wanted to reach and instead of understanding that my body has changed I have decided to berate myself and use the most dangerous and excessive ways to control something I cannot control right now. I am cutting myself off of the birth control because I am so sick of my body and how it looks.

This has become a night mare. I have tried to use the "Unleash Your Thin" plan but because I have had limited computer use to look at the videos and materials they have and this makes me more upset with my body. I am a runner but my weight increases and decreases the same five pounds with little noticeable change.

Which that brings me to being spiritually lost. I find myself at a loss for words to pray. It is almost like I no longer know how to pray. I am so unthankful for the body that I do have that allows me to function, move, walk, use my hands and feet, run, breathe, and so on. I take for granted that I am blessed to have legs that can run and arms that can lift because there are so many out there that don't have the physical capabilities I do. So how can I be a spiritual person when I am so unhappy and unappreciative with what I have been blessed with?

Today is just word-vomit semi-controlled.

Let me know what suggestions you have that has helped you.