Brightness and Darkness

As the storm clouds pass by the sun, once shinning in the mid afternoon, now give way to lighting and rain. Darkness and Light... existing in the same space. We forget that light in any form breaks the darkest of dark. 

Sitting here listening to Alex G's Proof https://youtu.be/0q1rbKUeTMw  and I am quickly reminded that as she sings "still the light shines through the cracks of my heart it's proof that I'm alive."  This very simple sentence speaks volumes that the darkness in my current mind space can no longer stay dark. However, I look around me, rainy dreary day fills my heart with sadness. 

Mental illnesses do this to us. Bipolar for me has left me stable for right now but I feel it all over again. Any rainy day, any sunless moments or days I start to feel that despair. I am quickly taken back to the memories left at the locked unit. Those that visited me have left huge footprints on my heart that I will never be able to thank them enough for the brightness they brought to my darkened world.

Today I am just being reflective as  I watch the rain gently and steadily fall to the ground. More rain we don't necessarily need as we have had a lot this past week. It is in these moments that I feel my heart ache. Not the "normal" ache of "just another dreary day." No my aching is from that despairing feel that one mistake and that darkness can return. I don't want that. That darkness is so unrelenting and holds on so tightly that even the most sunniest of summer days can relax that fearful grip.

I am giving it all away right here right now. As the song continues to state.... " Every dim shade of grey in my scars, all of the mess I have left in the dark, still the light shines through the cracks in my heart, it's proof I'm alive."

                                                          Today I am alive