Summer sunburns and my scars... tw

This summer has just disappeared before our very eyes as we near the end of July. School starts in three weeks!!  Where did it all go??

I know for me I continued on Latuda which having an extra anti-depressant made me depressed in a sense. My summer has been spent inside curled on the couch staring blankly at a wall. I didn't feel depressed but I showed every symptom. I am a summer girl. This is my season. This year it hasn't been until a few days ago. No longer on Latuda I have found energy and drive to do the things I have been dying to do.

Here is the triggering part.

I recently laid out at the pool and sure enough I was once again sunburnt. But I noticed something I had in my previous burns (2)  is that my scars on my left arm bore a red tint bringing them almost back to life. They were so dominant that looking at my arm even for the slightest second made me feel so uncomfortable.  Now that the redness of the skin has subsided the marks return to their white state, but again, with tanned skin they are more prominent.

At this point, I have been have flashbacks and find everything triggering that I want to self-harm all over again. So far I have managed not to but I watched the TWLOHA movie for the first time and I had no idea I would be triggered so much that I couldn't finish the movie. I know Renee's story so it isn't like I missed anything. I just found it all too much to continue to watch as she held the same blades I used and it was all just so breath-taking that I had to go sit with my Bible to get my mind back on track.

We must be vigilant in our recovery not to become so overwhelmed that we are one step way too close to starting the cycle all over. You are loved. We are all loved and we are not alone as TWLOHA is based upon.

My summer is getting better though it is quickly ending. There will be plenty of fun-filled days that lay ahead and I can't wait to share them with you.