Looking back through 2014

It is everywhere. Let's take a look at 2014, look through this past year, what have we done right/wrong... did not do that we regret or what we did do that we regret. What is our plan for 2015??
And it doesn't end there. What was the best music, top singer, top movie, top this and that.

For me I am reluctant to look over the past year. There were many ups and downs. Heart breaks, heart surgery, fights, new jobs, loss of an apartment, gaining a gym membership, having an amazing family. There is so much to look at that I really don't want to look back and dissect every little thing.

I am sat here typing away. That means I lived through another year. I don't need to look back and feel guilt or regret for the things I did or did not do. Everything we do in this life happens moment to moment. By looking back we begin to question every aspect of why this and that. There is that famous quote that states that in those moments we did what we thought best, what we could do in the situation and how we moved forward. It is not the year but the moments within that year that matter to me.

What I can say about 2014 is that I found more love than I believed I deserved. I loved and love unconditionally and without regret. I learned who I could and could not trust and where my relationships stood and still stand. 2014 is not defined by the best song, the best celebrity, and all that other junk society wants us to "remember" the most. I don't care what society wants me to look back on. I only care about how I lived and learned through this last year. Good or bad, every situation taught me new ways to think, to be more me and less of what people want me to be. I don't want to be anyone or anything other than me. I want to look back and say I did my best in every moment I was given to live.

I am alive and in good hands today. I have an amazing family who love me more and more. I will be 25 in August of 2015. If you were to ask me right now or before this moment I will tell you I never ever believed I would live to be 25. No, I do not have any disease or terminal illness. I had just lost my father when I was 16 and used the wrong coping mechanisms for which I am paying for today. I suffered the worst depression I could ever imagine. I was in hospital twice. I have marks of madness running across my body. BUT HERE I AM ALIVE AND HEALTHIER!!!!!!!

I do not have a "plan" for the "new" year. All I have is today. That is all I have. I have dreams and goals but no plans that have to do with "new year new me"  or a new year's resolution. My only plan is to be more positive, take more chances, say yes when all I have been saying is no. Try new things. Be more patient and kind. Learn to use my words to build up not to tear down. All I want for 2015 is to learn, to love, to dream, to hope, and to do everything that makes me happy.

What is your 2015 going to look like you ask? Well, I don't know, I don't want to give you any spoilers. You will just have to wait and see.

With much love,

I will "see" you all in the new year.